My Toxic Ex Had a Baby… and I Need Krishna & Chocolate – A Mom’s Guide to Not Losing Your Chill

By Aruneeta | Work-From-Home Mom, Chaos Coordinator & Chai Enthusiast

Picture this: You’re happily scrolling through Instagram, double-tapping cute puppy videos, when suddenly—BAM!—you see that name. Your ex. The human equivalent of expired milk. And he’s… holding a tiny, adorable baby girl.

Cue internal screaming.

Wait… He Gets to Procreate?

Let’s be real—when karma handed out punishments, I expected something cinematic. Like him stepping on Lego every morning or his WiFi permanently stuck at one bar. But a baby? This feels like the universe misread the memo.

Me to the Cosmos: ”Bestie, we discussed this. He was supposed to get haunted by all his lies, not a Kinderjoy commercial!”

Why This Feels Like a Plot Twist (Even Though I’ve Moved On)

I’m happily married. I’ve got kids who think I’m a superhero (until I say “no” to ice creams). My life is good. So why does this news make me want to throw organic quinoa at a wall?

1. The Justice Fairy Forgot My Case – I wanted karma to hit him like a Bollywood villain’s downfall. Instead, he gets… fatherhood? .

   

2. The “But I Wanted Him to Suffer” Guilt – Okay, maybe not suffer… but like, shouldn’t he at least have an incurable allergy to caffeine?

3. That Tiny, Terrifying Thought – What if he’s a good dad now?! (Ugh, the worst.)

   

Gita Wisdom for the Petty & Enlightened (A Work in Progress)

In a moment of maturity (read: after stress-eating three gulab jamuns), I turned to the Bhagavad Gita. Because if anyone knows about dealing with difficult men, it’s Krishna.

Krishna’s Life Hacks for This Mess:

1. ”Karma’s Got a Weird Sense of Humor” – Maybe the real punishment is him changing diapers at 3 AM while realizing actions have consequences, bro.

2. ”Your Peace > His Payback” – The Gita’s basically like, ”Why you letting that clown live rent-free in your mind palace?” Touché, Krishna. Touché.

3. ”Focus on Your Own Blockbuster” – My life’s a hit movie. His? A forgettable side plot. Moves on with a mic drop.

How I’m Handling It (Besides Eating My Feelings)

🍫 Step 1: Chocolate Therapy – Dark, milk, white… I’m an equal-opportunity stress eater.🧘‍♀️

Step 2: Pretending to Be Zen – Deep breaths. Namaste. (Inner monologue: ”BUT STILL THOUGH.”)

😂 Step 3: Laughing at the Absurdity – Of course this guy gets a sweet little baby. The universe’s trolling game is strong.

The Real Talk

Here’s the truth—his life doesn’t cancel out mine. My happy marriage, my kids’ laughter, my ability to parallel park (most days)… none of that changes because he procreated.

So Here’s My New Mantra:”May his baby girl be happy, healthy, and nothing like him.” (Okay, and maybe may he occasionally step on a Lego. Old habits die hard.)

Your Turn!Ever had a moment where karma left you scratching your head? Share your stories below—misery (and enlightenment) loves company! 😉

Hugs, chai, and zero chills- Aruneeta

(P.S. If you also believe chocolate should be a food group, you’re my people. Subscribe for more ”Wait, what?!” mom moments.)

Radhe Radhe!